You can have different types of dynamics, but they are all some type of Dom/sub relationship.Ī BDSM checklist can help tremendously when negotiating. Let’s define them.Ī scene is another word for a period of play, sexual or asexual.Ī dynamic means a power exchange relationship. Scene, dynamic, and checklist are words that are commonly used in BDSM or Kink. Scene negotiations are negotiations done prior to a play scene and are usually done with a play partner.ĭynamic negotiations are negotiations done prior to agreeing to commit to a power exchange relationship. There are two basic types of negotiations: Scene negotiations and Dynamic negotiations. This is when you set what will and will not happen with your partner. They are important because this is when you give consent, when you set your boundaries, and when you ask questions. Negotiations are the period of discussion where you cover your likes, wants, needs, expectations, and limits before you play or begin a dynamic. Putting effort into sharing your opinions and understanding your partner’s opinions as well, will only make everything that much more enjoyable and safe. Many scoff at checklists, but research clearly indicates that those who make them make fewer mistakes and omissions.Negotiations are so important in BDSM when it comes to setting up a play scene or a power exchange relationship with your partner. The value of the checklist is that, in the rush to negotiate, some of these points may well escape our attention and lead us to needless resistance or a failed agreement. It covers many of the salient points that in the end determine whether your negotiating session will go well. The checklist above assures that you will ask yourself important questions even when time is short. What relationship do you now have with the other person? Can something be done to improve that relationship before negotiating? After agreement?.Don’t start with a chip on your shoulder or a hot potato in your hand. Cool the “hot potato.” The more difficult the issue, the more important it is to cool off before dealing with it.Consider asking an associate to play the role of a “Devil’s Advocate.” Let them defend the other person’s position and rebut your viewpoint and arguments.Write down some Both-Win ideas before entering the meeting. The best way to reach a committed agreement is by jointly searching for and finding mutual gain solutions that resolve differences and problems.How will you and the other party document or otherwise assure that what both have agreed to will be accepted as a commitment to execute the terms of the agreement?.How should you do so? What concessions might you ask for in return for those you make? Most negotiations are settled through compromise and concession.How will you open the negotiation and best support the position you take?.What are their limits and constraints? You have more power than you think. What is the best time and place to negotiate? Can this matter wait for a better time, place or hearing?. Which issues should we talk about? Which should be avoided-or maybe delayed to a later date?.Identify the other’s interests and priorities. Identify the issues or differences you wish to resolve.
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